


Dear Heart

by NebulaEyes



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Caring Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley Has Feelings (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley Was Raphael Before Falling (Good Omens), Crowley is Bad at Being a Demon (Good Omens), First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, Love Letters, Lovesick Crowley (Good Omens), M/M, Oblivious Aziraphale (Good Omens), Pining, Protective Crowley, Rated For Violence, Requited Love, Requited Unrequited Love, Romantic Fluff, The Author Regrets Nothing, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-25 04:47:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21870301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NebulaEyes/pseuds/NebulaEyes
Summary: After a cold night out with Crowley, Aziraphale goes back to his bookshop, but soon, the angel finds something that was certainly not in his shop before. So, thinking that it was another addition Adam had given him, he opened up the large ancient looking chest, and found...letters. They were not dated, nor addressed to anyone, but each one started the same way. Who were they meant for? Who were they written by? Who is "A. R."? How do these letter remind Aziraphale of his own feelings? After reading them all...what happens when he discovers that Heaven has kidnapped Crowley? How does he find out he was kidnapped?
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 136





	1. Chapter 1

"This is wonderful, is it not, My Dear?" Aziraphale asked as he and Crowley walked down the sidewalk, where some of the shops were lit up with Christmas decorations and lights. The soft glow of the light reflecting a warm color off of the snow always warmed his heart more than the coat he would wear.

"Yeah, just wonderful." Crowley grumbled as he stiffly held his hands in his pockets. "I'm cold blooded, Angel. Surely after Six thousand blessed years, you remember that, yeah? It's fucking snowing!"

"Oh, yes, I remember, but I also know you're wearing three layers of clothing. You're all right, aren't you?"

"Ngk!" He flinched, obviously having been caught.

Aziraphale smiled fondly at him before shaking his head. "What's the real issue, Crowley? I know you. At least I like to think I do."

"You know me enough, Angel." Crowley breathed out with a smile that pained Aziraphale. It showed fondness, but Aziraphale could feel an incredible amount of pain. It caused a great deal of concern to build up in his own chest.

"Crowley?" He asked tentatively, stopping in his tracks, not caring for the upset humans, who now had to go around them due to Crowley stopping as well.

"Yes?"

"Did I do something wrong?"

He watched as Crowley's eyes widened to an incredible degree. Despite the demon thinking his eyes were completely covered by his glasses, there was just the barest vision of his serpentine eyes that Aziraphale could see, and the angel still never thought it was quite enough, but perhaps someday humans won't judge or gawk so harshly. "What makes you think you did something wrong?"

"You...the smile...you gave just a moment ago. It...It was fond, but...it also held pain."

"Hmm...Maybe the cold is getting to me. Sorry about that, Angel. Won't happen again."

"My Dear, you would tell me if you were in pain, wouldn't you? Emotional or physical?"

There was a moment where nothing was heard except the bustling of people around them and the wind as the snow was blown up from the ground while the wind wrapped around their bodies. "Come on, Angel. We're almost to that restaurant, yeah?"

Without a yes or a no, Aziraphale felt his own pain in his heart, but pushed forward. "Y-Yes. Let's go."

Dinner was enjoyable, they talked about what they wanted to do next week when they got out, and after they were done, Crowley as usual, dropped Aziraphale off at the bookshop, giving him his goodnight's and farewells. However, as the shop door closed, locked, and as the door sign remained in its closed position to the public, he was certain that it wouldn't be a good night at all. His heart still ached at the way Crowley deliberately didn't answer. "If that wasn't a no..." He told the warmth of the bookshop that strangely, on this night, felt colder than outside. "...I don't know what might be." He took his body away from the door and went about cleaning his bookshop to keep himself busy. He still hadn't been through everything, and there was a great deal more than children books that Adam added. He found an interesting letter from Madame De Pompadour to someone she called her fireplace man and her angel, and it seemed almost...other worldly like...it didn't quite belong in this universe, but existed in it all the same. _'Perhaps it was meant to be in another universe?_ _Were those a thing? Did God create alternate universes?'_ He wondered when he found it. He later shrugged it off and continued about his day. So, he was now cleaning, wondering what else he might find.

As he was cleaning, he caught a glimpse of something behind the sofa that Crowley usually sat at. Now, granted, that was where he found the letter that intrigued him, but he wondered how he didn't notice a small ancient chest pressing against one of the bookshelves, hidden, but just enough in sight that he SHOULD'VE noticed. Either way, he moved to pick it up, marveling at how heavy it was, and he set down on the coffee table. He opened it and gasped. There were hundreds, probably thousands of letters in it. They were all opened, but in a way that made him realize that these were unsent.

He felt he shouldn't, but they WERE in his bookshop, so he decided to miracle himself a cup of tea, knowing it wouldn't taste quite the same, but he needed SOMETHING and wine just wasn't appealing at the moment. Especially if he was going to read. He then took out the letters one by one and began reading.

_Dear Temptation,_

_Oh, how I imagine the face you make at the two words above this line. Oh, how I wonder what you might say to this letter. I've written hundreds and I'll likely write a hundred thousand more for the sake of imagining that these reach you and your heart someday, but I know they cannot and will not. I call you Temptation, because that is what you are to me. You are a great many things to me, as I've stated in the other letter's I haven't sent..._

"Oh...so they're out of order..." Aziraphale nodded his head in understanding. "...this should be interesting..."

_...but that is unimportant. You are Temptation itself due to the beauty that is you. The beauty that plagues me. As cruel as it may sound, I believe your beauty might have been a more efficient plague to place on Pharaoh and his people during the whole Moses thing. No one would've survived it. I scarcely know how I myself have survived it. Your eyes shine as if they were taken from the stars themselves, and oh, how your heart shines brighter than any star even I could've imagined. I would compare your beauty to a rose, or a sunflower, or perhaps even a daisy due to the sheer beauty, happiness, and gentleness that you give off, but none of them due you justice, my dear heart. I call you a Temptation, because I compare your beauty to that of an apple. The apple of Eden for me in this life. An apple I may always gaze upon, the fresh fruit of your cheeks and the sweetness that might be your skin, but I cannot touch. I cannot bite. This world will not allow me to. This will be another letter added to my chest of letters, dear heart, and perhaps...someday I'll show them to you, but I doubt it._

_-Forever yours (Even if you do not know it), A. R._

Aziraphale sat back in his chair, feeling breathless, despite not having to actually breathe, and he just stared at the letter. "For a human to feel so much..." He felt a tear slide down his cheek as the amount of love from the letter poured into him. "It...this love...it's longing, painful, but...the writer is...content? How could that be?" As soon as the question left him, he knew he had to read more, but he would rather read them in order. So, with a small miracle, he willed the letters to organize themselves from oldest to most recent, then took the first letter he saw after setting the one he had read, down on the table.

_Dear Heart,_

_I will call you Dear Heart as I write these, because it is safer for both of us. It is safer, and it is what you are. Any heart that God might have given me was lost the moment I set eyes on you. I am writing, because I can't keep it in. It kills me not saying anything, and I'm fairly certain I'm already insane to a dangerous degree. So, this is me trying to find a release for all that is held in what is left of my heart. I said that it was give when I first saw you, and that's true, you still have it, and you don't even know. You might never know, and that is fine. I am left with enough of a heart to sustain me and my madness. Your company sustains me well enough, but when there are days that I wish to tell you what I cannot...I will write them here, and move on to being content in the company you willingly give me._

_Here's to hoping, A. R._

Aziraphale let out a shuddering breath of wonder and heartache that he felt for whoever wrote this. It seemed, whoever this was, couldn't be truly together with the one they loved, but he didn't know why, and it seemed the person thought so little of themselves that they almost had no self worth what so ever.

_Dear Heart,_

_This is my second letter, and my head is pounding. We had drinks last night, and it was pleasant, but I didn't take precautions against the morning after. I say this, because...I wanted the pain. I almost craved it. I haven't felt alive in some time, and at least physical pain is a sort of reminder that I'm not merely a drifter in this life. I once knew my purpose. It was a beautiful and wonderful one, but then I lost it. I was given another one, but it does not agree with me. Now, I am determined that you are my new purpose. Even if you gave me a pounding ache in my head from your suggestion of wine...and lots of it. Oh, I know you would disapprove of me wanting pain, but perhaps...you might wish it upon me? It is a pain being around you. Knowing you. My soul cries out for you, but it is as silent as the whispers of the wind through a cold and empty moonless night._

_In pain, but worth it, A. R._

"S-Such pain!" Aziraphale clutched his own heart, but continued to read.

_Dear Heart,_

_I'm sure you've noticed that I have not dated these, and yes, I know that technically you'll never see these so...but anyway, I will not date these letters, because I do not see a point. What do dates matter? What does time itself matter? What does it matter for a person like you or I? I do not want to write the date, because it's almost as if it's a slow and agonizing countdown to the end of my life. The one where I will be no more, but I know that even after I'm gone, you'll live on, which gives me a semblance of peace, but not enough to satisfy me. I am a selfish being, my dear heart. I covet you. I have prayed to God for guidance and for help as I have done since the day we met. Though, I'm sure you would doubt me. I'm not known for praying or for being faithful. It is a secret I cherish, because I...and this may sound mad...but I swear, I can almost feel it when God has listened to me. Whether God answers me or not, that's another story and I know God might never answer me. Not required to, but it's a nice thought that even my voice could reach God's ears. Now, even though there are no dates, I am determined to write what ever I can, whenever I can even if it is just to tell you how my day has been. This HAS proven to help when it gets to be too much, so I will likely continue this until I die, or until you find these, and...well...I'm not sure WHAT you might do if you find these, but I will respect whatever you wish. If you want me to leave you, and to never be a part of your life, consider it done._

_Timeless, A. R._

"How could anyone refuse this person?" Aziraphale wondered. "How could the person the writer writes to...how could they read these and reject them?"

_Dear Heart,_

_God answered me immediately after I requested that you be safe. That you just live! There was a fire. A great and horrible fire that affected everyone around it and the building it burned. You were inside. You were innocent, and as I flew towards you...Oh, my dear heart, I begged. I pleaded. I offered my life in return as long you just lived. You did. However, you were asleep. I worked with physicians to help you until you would wake, doing what I could. Thankfully, you wouldn't scar, but the risk of what could've happened still haunts me as I write this. I could've lost you. I still won't send the letters...especially now with my heart shivering and shaking as the sobs are voiced from my lips while my tears stain the paper, but I was answered, you're safe, and that's enough. My own burns will heal in time, but...they WILL scar. I want them to. I'll wear them proudly in a reminder that you lived and that...I was actually answered._

_Faith restored (Just a little), A. R._

With widened eyes, Aziraphale picked up another one, not daring to comment on such bravery. He nearly a hundred letters that talked about this person's day rather than just the one he was writing to, but then he came across one that made him feel a twinge of heartache for the would've-been-receiver.

_Dear Heart,_

_I've taken a wife. She is beautiful, and marvelous, and kind, and she knows me for me. However, probably the most remarkable thing about her is...she knows she'll never be fully mine and I'll never be fully hers._

"Wait...WHAT!?" Aziraphale asked the letter, wondering how or why a woman would agree to such a thing.

_She knows that I love you. She has heard me speak in great detail about my love for you. She knows how I long for you. She knows the pain I've suffered. She is kind and beautiful, and I couldn't just let a woman like that slip through my fingers. She accepted, but told me, 'I know you love him, my darling man, and I know that your heart will never be mine, but I will accept for the sake of keeping a smile on that tormented face of yours.' I cried. She has seen all of me laid bare and she did not judge me. She knows what I am, and she'll still have me. She also knows we can never have kids, but that's okay with her. Apparently I make her happy, too._

_Forgive me? A. R._

"So...the writer was a man...also in love with a man...but he took a wife anyway?" Aziraphale was baffled. "Perhaps...he could feel love for both genders. I've heard of it happening...Just who is this writer?"

_Dear Heart,_

_It has been quite some time since I've written. Now...I write with pain laced into my soul. Why must everything I care about be ripped away from me as surely as my first purpose was ripped from me? How you've been continuously ripped from me? When I took her as my wife, I...not that you know this, but...we never laid with each other. Both of us were still virgins when she died. I hadn't known when I took her as my wife that she was sick in an irreversible way. I should've seen it. I of all people should've seen it, or perhaps...I hadn't WANTED to see it so I just...didn't? I had three years with her, and she died in my arms, telling me to tell you someday how much I love you. I didn't have the heart to tell her I just couldn't. She knew why I can't ever tell you. Either way...she was good to me and I was happy, but happiness, it seems, is about as reachable as the stars are to me now, and even then, you are ever further out of my reach than that._

_Hopeless, A. R._

"How much can this person endure!?" Aziraphale cried once again. He then realized it was nearing dawn, and Crowley would likely be by to ask him out to breakfast. Dinners were once or even twice a week, but breakfast was everyday. So, with that, he dried his tears and miracled the chest and it's contents underneath his bed with a protective layer of invisibility just in case, and he would read them later.

Sure enough, the bell soon chimed. "Angel? You in here?"

Aziraphale walked out of the backroom, and was surprised when Crowley practically ran to him. "Cr-Crowley?"

"Angel? What's wrong? There are tears running down your face. Are you hurt? Was Gabriel here? What happened?"

"N-Nothing!" He squeaked out, completely stunned at Crowley's reaction. "I-I j-just read something moving that's all. It...was terribly wonderful and terribly sad at the same time."

Crowley seemed to visibly relax at his word, as an exhale of breath similar to that of a hiss left his lips. "Don't SCARE me like that! I thought...just..." He shook his head before composing himself, which confused Aziraphale a bit, but he didn't say anything. "Ready to go?"

"Always." He nodded, trying to push the letters away from his mind.

Breakfast, just like dinner last night, was pleasant and they talked about plans for the Holidays since Christmas was approaching. Crowley discussed the idea of him opening up a floral shop since he liked plants so much and since they were starting to overrun his flat. Aziraphale thought it was a marvelous idea, and even offered to help.

Eventually, Crowley dropped him off at the bookshop, explaining that he needed to think his ideas over carefully, and he thanked Aziraphale for his input. Once Aziraphale was inside, he went upstairs and grabbed the chest of letters so that he could continue where he left off, slightly relieved that he had the mind to miracle the already read letters under the bed as well. The one he picked up had two letters in it.

_Dear Heart,_

_I have said in minor hidden ways how I love you in the letters I've written, but I don't think I ever quite explained it clearly and plainly. Dear Heart, there are not words to truly explain what is in my heart. What is left of it, anyway. The way I feel for you...is Ineffable. However, I will try to explain what I can here. My love, when I met you...I was broken. Beyond repair, and I thought that perhaps I just wasn't cut out for existing. So, I actually went to you, knowing that you could brandish a blade to my throat and perhaps end my sorrow in some way. I...I know that's not what anyone wants to hear when they're being told how much they're loved, but it's true. Then, wonder of wonders, I spoke to you, and you...didn't attack me. You...spoke back and even asked me to repeat myself, because you couldn't quite hear me. Not that I meant for you to hear me, but you did. Unable to speak for a moment, I turned to you and as soon as I saw your eyes I knew I was doomed to love from the start. I no longer wanted to perish. I wanted to live. If only to see your eyes and that nervous smile you had. You have become as much a part of me as my own self. Etched onto my heart and soul like one might etch words of love onto fine jewelry. I cannot and will not get rid of the etchings, for they are a part of me now. A brand. Showing that all of me belongs to you and no one else. Even if you don't know it. Even if you someday find my letters and refuse me. I will go on. I promise, and I'm sorry, but there's nothing you can do about it._

_It's funny, but I've never reached the backside of one of my letters before. Yet here we are. My sweet love, I have stood by your side through nervousness, doubt, anxiety, flood, death, happiness, drunkenness, and many more moments between, and in all of that time, my heart has never wavered in my love for you. It has wavered in sanity, happiness, sorrow, and many other emotions, but it has not diminished at all when it concerns my love for you. In fact, it has grown with every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day, of every week, of every month, of every year. I love you more than I can bare sometimes. It sometimes hurts to love you. To love you, knowing that you could never love me. I know that I talk of the POSSIBILITY of you refusing me, but I know you will. You will reject me, because it is what you must do. However, that doesn't mean my heart swells any less when you smile, or when I can hear your beautiful voice singing when you think no one is around. My body aches for your touch, I am not ashamed to admit it. Even now, I am still a virgin, and will die that way if I have to, for I will not love another as I love you. I will not lay with anyone unless it's you._

_And...I've grabbed another piece of paper. This is turning out to be longer than I had intended, but my love, I find that I can say more in a written word than I could to your face. I act calm, suave, and confident, but when I'm near you...I don't quite know how to do that. Your eyes are captivating, as I've so commonly written about, but there's also your lips, so soft and pink looking, I wonder how they might feel against my own. Your cheeks that have a natural blushing hue when it gets cold out look as if they're begging to be kissed. As if the blush is a target that my lips must meet the center of. I stay as close as you'll allow me, because even though I can't have you, you feel like home to me. You're more of a home to me than my own home. The home I have is but an empty husk where I dwell at night when I cannot see you. You know...I would speak more words of love in this letter, but I do not believe I have enough paper or ink. You're everything to me. You're a part of my soul, but you're also not a part of me. It's...painful sometimes, but I understand that I have to be content with what I am allowed, which is a blessing by itself. HA! If you heard me saying such things...you'd ask if I've gone mad, but that's okay. I think I have. Gone mad, that is._

_Ineffably yours, A. R._

"O-Oh my..." Aziraphale blinked while his heart pounded. He was briefly reminded of when he realized he was in love with Crowley, not that the demon could ever love him. Everyone knew that demon's couldn't love. They could covet, admire, and desire, but not love. Crowley WAS a bit strange though. Demons also couldn't show mercy or kindness, and even though he knew Crowley would be swift to deny it, he could do those things, but Aziraphale allowed himself the foolish indulgence of imagining Crowley writing him letters. At the thought, he quickly shook his head with a soft smile, surer than anything that it wouldn't happen. So, he just simply continued to read the letters.

A hundred short letters later, and he was coming up towards the last ten letters. What seemed like thousands of letters was obviously not that amount. The hundred that he read were once again how his day was and small snippets of longing here and there. When he opened the next one, the first sentence pierced Aziraphale's heart with a blade of cold fire, spreading and licking all throughout his body.

_Dear Heart,_

_Not long now, I'm afraid. Only a handful of years left, My love, and I'm not quite sure how I WANTED it to end, but it wasn't like this. I know it wasn't like this. Once I received the revelation that my life was about to come to an end, I wanted to call you immediately. We spoke of it a little, but not in exact detail. Oh, my love. My Dearest Angel, I cannot express enough how much regret I have and will likely have until my last breath, but I promise you, in the coming years I have left, I will fight, and I will be by your side until the end._

_Cheers, my love, A. R._

"No..." Aziraphale whispered out with a shaky breath. "...I...there's so few letters, and not a long enough life..." He sniffled before continuing the next nine letters.

_Dear Heart,_

_I know you're struggling, but we can get through this. If you've taught me anything through the years, it's that we can get through ANYTHING together. I know that you still don't love me. In fact, you may think me incapable of it, but...I do, and I'll love you in secret until I die or until you're ripped from my soul. Which ever comes first. Oh, how I wish things had been different. I wish...I wish I could do something...anything...to deserve you in even the most minuscule of ways, but I know that I don't. I'll never deserve you. You're perfect. You'll disagree with me like you always do when I pay you a compliment, but it's true, My love. You know, I've realized something pretty foolish, but probably accidentally genius. The way I've signed the end of these letters, I chose to do it so that if my side or your side were to ever discover them, they would never be able to trace them back to the writer (me), and I used my original initials. In doing that, even if you read these someday, you would have no clue they were from me. I used a name that...for me...is long lost, but I couldn't think of anything more clever than those two initials. I don't think I'll tell you what they stand for. Not unless you ask me directly, which, of course, is highly unlikely, because I still don't plan on showing you the letters to this day. However, just this once...I'll leave you the initials you know._

_Mysteriously yours, A. J. C._

Aziraphale's breath stopped in an instant, and for once, he was grateful he didn't actually have to breathe. He read the initials over and over again, his heart and mind saying one name. "Anthony J. Crowley." He whispered out, but then he frantically shook his head. "No! That's not possible! He wouldn't...He couldn't...I..." His vision became blurry, and it was then that he realized he had been holding back his tears, so he blinked his eyes a couple times to let them fall, but in doing so, he felt the ever thundering rhythm of his heart growing faster and faster. "It...It can't be." He muttered before deciding that he needed to read the rest, and search for ANYTHING that might give it away more clearly. He couldn't risk being wrong about this, but then again, he also didn't want to know what might happen if he were right. There were eight more left.

_Dear Heart,_

_I believe...I'm growing attached to the infant. I never thought I might, and even though he's not the brightest little tyke, but I'm attached. I...I don't know what to do with this information. I've only felt this way for one other person._

_Bewildered, A. R._

* * *

_Dear Heart,_

_I'm scared. I'm terrified that our plan won't work._

_Scared, A. R._

* * *

_Dear Heart,_

_Dinner with you tonight helped ease my worries. Well, I'm still a great deal worried, but your smile calmed my aching heart. Your ideas for our plan helped me feel more at ease. I haven't slept in a whole year, and I think you've noticed. You said I should take a week off for myself, but I can't do that, because half of myself will be out of my life for the rest of Eternity if this doesn't work. I hope you stay confident. You're my courage._

_Yours, A. R._

* * *

_Dear Heart,_

_For once, in a very long time, I'm not going to talk about my fears in this letter. I'm going to talk about me. Things you don't know. Well, things that you don't know, that can be appropriately placed in a letter. Some other things...must be said in person, and I dare not write them down. I do, in fact, eat. I know you're skeptical, but hear me out, My love. I cook. I eat what I cook, because I trust myself. I have trust issues with other people, but you don't. So, that's why I'm okay with taking you anywhere you want to go. I can cook anything. I've studied what you like to eat best, and I learned how to cook them. I know, if you ever read this...which is even more unlikely now...then you will probably ask me to cook for you everyday, not that I would mind, but every now and then, it would be nice to get out and about. Another thing you don't know about me is that I also own a shop. Well, it's more of a nursery of sorts. For plants. Yeah, a bit on the nose for me, but I enjoy it. There's also a girl that works there that I've taken into my care._ _Truth be told, I took her in when she was around five years old. Found her being abused by her father, and talked with the police on what I had to do to be able to adopt her, and though it took a while, I eventually adopted her, and I think the saddest part wasn't exactly the abuse, although, I'm sure there's a special place in Hell for him, but the saddest part was...she didn't have a name._

_So, I named her Stella. You would like her. She's a bright young girl, and SUCH a Daddy's girl, but humble as well. I started the Nursery to raise honest money for her and when she was old enough, she would have a place where she could immediately have a job. She's twenty now, and she's been the best worker there since she was eighteen. Either that, or I'm just biased, but she has turquoise eyes like you, freckles on her face, and she once had hair so blonde it was almost white, but she went and got it dyed to a scarlet red. With her pale skin, it makes her eyes pop like nothing else. So, yeah, I have a daughter. I think...perhaps I should've said that in person, but too late now. She lives with me, but I doubt you'll be at my flat at any point in time. You've never willingly visited me before, why start now, yeah? Well, I don't want to have to get out another piece of paper, so I'll leave it there for now. Not as much as I wanted to write about me, but there you go._

_With all my heart (Or what I can give), A. R._

* * *

_Dear Heart,_

_I told Stella of our plans and what was happening. Seems a little late, but she was wondering why I was crying last night, so I told her about the nightmare I had. It was awful. She told me to write down my nightmare to you, since writing to you makes me feel better, and she also may have said that I need to get off my ass and just go to you and tell you how much I love you, but I told her that even if you COULD reciprocate my feelings, that you would never believe mine. Either way, my nightmare...I was in your shop, and it was on fire. Everything was burning. All the memories we shared in your shop, nothing but ash. Then, I saw you on the floor and you were lifeless. There was nothing left in you. I couldn't feel you anymore. I could always feel you. Like I said, you've been etched onto my soul, but as romantic as I'm sure it sounded, I really did mean it rather literally. I...I don't want to talk about the rest, because the thought of you actually dead in my arms...and the thought that I would no longer see you bustling around with books you've read a thousand times, but still smile the same way every time, or the way that you wear clothes that are severely out of date, but as I tease you, you just give me a proud look...the thought of not having that...I sobbed my eyes out._

_Haunted, A. R._

* * *

_Dear Heart,_

_I felt like writing a poem. Never wrote one before. So, don't expect it to be great. Might throw this letter in the trash. Here goes nothing,_

_Oh, how I could sing of the smile on your face.  
Nothing compares to the way you light up my Grace.  
Had we known each other in another life...  
...I'm sure neither of us would be filled with strife.  
_ _Hair like the glorious clouds of Heaven and just as soft.  
_ _Oh, My love, you've no idea how you set this damned heart aloft.  
_ _If I could, I'd decorate the galaxies with your eyes.  
_ _When I look in them, it feels as if I truly know the truth from lies.  
_ _When you touch me ever so softly with a reassuring hand...  
_ _...It reminds me of what I'm fighting for and where I rightfully stand.  
_ _My love, the end is coming and I couldn't be more terrified.  
_ _Though I may not have said so in words, but actions, I've loved you. I've tried._

_Your Poet?, A. R._

* * *

_Dear Heart,_

_I'm going to be honest. I don't know what to say anymore. It's getting closer and closer to the end of everything. My Hope, my wishes, my dreams, and most importantly, it will be the end of my happiness. What little of it I've been able to acquire for myself. Stella will be thirty one soon. This is the year. This is the last one. I...I couldn't even drink a drop to drink. I walked into her room, and like a child, I lost it, because not only would I lose you, but I'll lose my daughter. I told her to go to a cottage I have in South Downs and stay there. Have her last year be beautiful and peaceful. If...If our plan works, then she'll come back, but I'm growing increasingly worried we won't be able to pull it off. We have to, though. We have to._

_Sorrowful, A. R._

* * *

_Dear Heart,_

_WE DID IT! Oh! AZIRAPHALE, my beautiful idiot! WE DID IT! I'm...I'm beyond happy. We tricked Heaven and Hell, we stopped the end, the world is still turning, and Oh! My Dear Heart, My love, my darling angel! You are still in it! The most important thing to me in my whole cursed existence. I-I'll tell you someday! Now that I know someday is actually a possibility, all I have to do is...is...prepare myself for the rejection. There's also the fact that...if you asked it of me...if you asked me if I would tell you if I was in pain...emotional or physical...I don't think I could answer it. I've suffered for six thousand years of an unrequited love, and accepting that I must be content in the company you allow this unlovable beast. I know my daughter loves me, but it's...it's different from what I want. Oh, but until I'm prepared, I promise, Angel, you'll want for nothing. I may not say it, but I'll try my best to show it. To show you how I've loved you for six thousand years, and how I'll love you for six thousand more._

_Yours for Eternity, A. R._

* * *

Aziraphale's hands began to shake to such a degree that he quickly dropped the letter while great globs of tears rushed down his face one after the other. He couldn't breathe. Not adequately anyway. He was hyperventilating. "O-Oh God!" He sobbed in between what little breaths he could. "Wh-What h-have I-I done!?" He shouted to the ceiling as he wrapped his arms around himself. "S-Six thousand blasted years!" He cried out, his heart breaking, shattering, and then turning into sand only to return back to it's shape to repeat the process. "Six th-thousand y-years a-and he was..." Once he trailed off he was quickly brought to memories. Things he's said to Crowley.

On the wall, _"You're a demon, it's what you do."_

The flood, _"You can't judge the Almighty, Crawley!"_

The crucifixion, _"Be kind to each other."_

Rome, _"Still a demon?"_

Wessex, _"NO! I am SHOCKED you would even imply such a thing!"_

The Globe Theater, _"What do you want? ... You are up to no good."_

Paris, _"So all this is YOUR demonic work!?"_

St. James Park 1862, _"Do you know what trouble I'd be in if they knew I'd been...Fraternizing!?"_

The church in 1941, _"I should've known! Of course! These people are working for you!"_

In the Bentley 1967, _"You go to fast for me, Crowley."_

The bandstand a few months ago. _"We are an Angel, and a Demon! We have nothing what so ever in common, I don't even like you!" ... "Even if I knew where the Antichrist was, I wouldn't tell you, we're on opposite sides!" ... "There is no OUR side, Crowley! Not anymore!"_

"H-How...HOW could he love me after that!? I...Oh God...what have I done to deserve ANY of the things he's said in these letters!? I don't deserve him! What kind of person had I been to him!? He's NEVER betrayed me, not once, and he's risked his life for me over and over and over again, and how have I repaid him!? With ridicule and scorn! I've broken his heart far too many times, and he...he thinks he has to prepare himself for rejection! From me! I've been horrible...unforgivable..." Aziraphale's head snapped up, and his heart immediately became stead. "You know what? I'll go see him. I _should_ go see him. He NEEDS to know that he doesn't need to prepare for rejection, and with thousands of years of letters or at the very least hundreds of years worth of letters...I doubt he'll make the first move."

He miracled himself clean, ready, and dressed before going down the stairs. However, once his foot touched the first floor of his shop, a woman bursted through the door that should've been locked tight. "Where is he!?"

"Wh-Where is who, My Dear Girl?"

"Oh-ho, NO!" She practically growled as she stepped closer and into the light. "You don't get to play that card! You of all people don't get to play that card!"

"What on Earth are you..." His eyes widened as he took in her appearance. It was exactly as Crowley described. "...you're Stella, aren't you?"

"I see Father's mentioned me." She huffed as she placed her hands on her hips.

"I-In his letters."

"His...letters?" She asked slowly. "Zira...those letters...He asked me to burn them all after the two of you survived Heaven and Hell. He said he was going to write one last letter and then he wanted me to burn them all. I did as he asked."

"They're up in my room. They...sort of just appeared here in my shop. I read them all, but...that's not entirely important at the moment. Who's missing, Stella?"

"My Father. He's missing. He came home, but then he left and placed a seal on the door meant to keep me in, but he forgot that he taught me things humans aren't supposed to know. I broke the seal, and I thought...perhaps he came to seek you for help, because when I left the flat...there was black blood on the floor of the hallway that leads to our door."

"Bl-Blood!? My Dear Girl, what has your father taught you that normal humans might not know?"

"How to sense angels, demons, and how to sense liars, how to read auras, how to disguise my own aura, and how to fight with a sword, knife, and staff. The staff was in case I didn't have my knife on me, which I do, but yeah...that's what he taught me. He also taught me that if I lose a weapon in the middle of a fight...how to fight with my body, so...I know various different types of fighting techniques, but...a lot of humans know those things, too. Now, what are we going to do about my Father!?"

"The black blood, what did you sense with it?" He asked as he snapped his fingers, taking them to Crowley's flat, where there was no black blood at all.

"I-It...It was just here."

"Whoever caused it didn't want it to linger for long. Tell me, can you sense anything other than normal air? They would've kept the sense of it from me and Crowley and other humans, but they don't know about you, so it won't count. Do you sense anything?"

"It...It feels..." She said as she held her hands out. "...Holy."

"Fuck!" Aziraphale cursed. "Stella, I do believe I'm going to have to go up to Heaven. They would've taken him there."

"Wait! What if it's a trap? I should go, too!"

"No! Your Father would KILL me if I let you in there!"

"Let me go, Zira! They won't suspect at thing!"

"Oh, but they will, Dear. They'll be suspicious of you immediately. A human just waltzing into Heaven with me? They'll make a rather hasty connection."

"Then allow me to be the perfect decoy! They'll think I'm just a normal human! Or...they'll think I'm yours and Dad's Nephilim, and they'll try and bind me, but that stuff only works on supernatural creatures! I could get out of as easily as I've been able to get out of handcuffs."

"Handcuffs?" Aziraphale asked with a mischievous grin.

"I was a bit rebellious as a Teenager. I'm sure Dad told you stories in his letters."

"Well, no." He smirked. "He told me how good of a girl you are and were, and how much I'd like you. So far he's right, but Stella, I can't risk it. Heaven..."

"I know...Dad's told me what his life was like before and after his fall. I know who he was, and trust me, if any of them hurt me, they'll all get a stark reminder. If he hasn't told you yet, then it's not for me to tell, so don't ask."

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" Aziraphale questioned cautiously.

She let out a confident chuckle before wrapping her arms around his neck like a child would to a Father, which made Aziraphale's heart stutter just a bit. "No. I've no idea what I'm doing, but I'll figure it out."

"I hope you're right." He said as he returned the hug tightly.


	2. Chapter 2

Aziraphale took Stella to Heaven through the front door, shocked that she could actually make it to the escalator, considering you needed to have a considerable amount of Faith and spirituality to make it past the water. Once inside, he quickly placed a miracle over her eyes so that they wouldn't burn from all of the light and white. "Alright, so now what?" She whispered after rubbing her eyes while they got used to her surroundings.

"We find your Father, get in, and get out. They're not exactly going to have him out in the open for us."

"Well...where would they take a demon they want to punish or torture?" She asked as they slowly walked around corners, checking for angels, and surprisingly there were none. Not even the lowest ranked angels.

"Good thinking, but...that only leaves one place, and that might explain why there are no angels around us."

"Where would they take him? The same place they were going to execute you?"

"No, that, I'm afraid, was because they didn't really care where I was executed at, as long as I was executed. No, they'd take Crowley to where they usually take the demons they capture. They'll likely torture him, but for why...I'm not entirely sure. We stopped Armageddon, yes, but they should've left us alone after what we did at our trials." Aziraphale let out a sigh before making his way to the very room he spoke of.

On their way there they found that there really wasn't a single angel to stop them. Until they reached the door Aziraphale intended on going through, that is. "Principality Aziraphale. You are not needed in here."

"Oh, I think I am." Aziraphale spat.

"You are not, and I see you've brought a human for some reason. You are not authorized to bring humans to Heaven."

"Well..." Aziraphale started before conjuring an ethereal sword made out of the four core elements of fire, water, earth, and air. He then pointed it at the angel's throat, who at least had the decency to look a bit terrified. "...considering God hasn't stopped me yet, I'm pretty sure I've been given authority. Would you really like to question hers by stopping me? There has to be a reason she hasn't stopped me, right?" He asked with a risen brow.

"I-I...G-Gabriel s-said that y-you."

Aziraphale pressed the tip of the ethereal blade closer to the angel's throat, causing golden blood to trickle down from the point of contact. "Let me be painfully clear. I don't give a damn what Gabriel says. You're going to let me into that room. Now!" The angel nodded frantically before opening the door.

"I said no one else was allowed to enter!" Came Gabriel's voice from the inside, among with millions of angels either chattering, groaning, or complaining.

Aziraphale walked in and nearly discorporated Gabriel on the spot for what he was seeing. Gabriel was with Crowley in the center of the room, and everyone in Heaven was seated as if it was a grand spectacle, and Aziraphale supposed it was for them. Crowley was on his knees complete naked, his wings obviously forced out and chained down to the floor, his arms bound behind his back as much as they were able to bind, there were whip marks, sword marks, burn marks, bruises, scratches, gashes, and there was just a pool of black underneath Gabriel and Crowley. "Get on with it!" An angel was heard saying.

"Very well!" Gabriel grinned maniacally, not paying attention to Aziraphale and Stella, either because he WANTED them to watch, or he didn't care. "Demon, let's start this again, since you seem to suddenly be incompetent...What is your name!?" Gabriel asked before miracling a whip in his hand.

"My name..." Crowley started with haggard breaths. "...is Anthony J. Crowley!"

The crack of the whip sounded. "NO! They FULL ENTIRE NAME that you've give yourself!"

"I...didn't give it to...me! I NEVER...named...myself!"

"Your original demonic name was Crawley, but then it changed! You changed your name!"

"The name...Crowley...was...given to...me! You sick bastard! Hell would LOVE you, you know. The lot of ya could take turns in torturing each other, but hey...maybe you would like that sort of thing."

Another crack, and just when Aziraphale was about to move, he felt Stella's steady hand holding his. _'If you can hear me Principality Aziraphale, Guardian of the Eastern Gate of Eden, and friend of my Father...don't do anything yet. Please!'_ His eyes widened considerably. Stella just prayed to him! He would honor it for now.

"Who gave you the name!?"

"Oh, just get...it over with, Gabriel. I'll get...discorporated and then Hell...will send me back...up. They're too...terrified to keep...me."

"No, I'm having to much fun to end this. I need information as well. I need to know how you survived Holy Water! So..." A crack of the whip and a cry from Crowley. "...who gave you the name!?"

"Wouldn't you need...to know how...Aziraphale survived...Hellfire?"

"I'm pretty sure I know the answer. He's fallen. He just hasn't admitted it yet, or God made him fall and he continued to sneak into Heaven somehow. Not only that, but it's likely that God made him fall and just kept him on Earth rather than sending him straight to Hell. It's the only explanation. It also makes sense due to his gluttony and sloth. Now, give me the name of the person who gave you your name!"

"You...wouldn't believe...me if I told you." He let out a scoff of laughter before choking on blood and spitting it out onto Gabriel's shoes, to which Gabriel replied with a punch Crowley's ribs.

"Tell me!"

"JESUS!" Crowley growled out.

"You DARE take his name in vain! What am I saying?" Another punch to the ribs and some cheering from angels, who somehow didn't notice Stella and Aziraphale. "Of course you would!"

"Told you...you wouldn't...believe me, you...fucking PRICK!

"Wait, you expect me to believe that JESUS, SON OF GOD, gave you your new name!?"

"Don't...believe me? Go ask...the man yourself. I'm...sure he's...around here...somewhere. Bright...young man, kind, caring, more patient than...anyone I've ever met...and I've known...Aziraphale for a...while, mind you."

"When did he give you your name?"

"When...I...was sent...to...tempt him. I...showed him the...kingdoms of...the world. He thanked me...the books have...it a bit wrong, but...then again...they always do to some...extent. I'm sure...you would know...all about that...Mr. Messenger...of God!" Crowley chuckled hoarsely. "He said...what I showed...him was beautiful, but...that he would...NOT be...tempted. I told him...I understood, and...thanked him for the...opportunity, considering...I knew...that with one word...he could've had angels come...down to...smite me. He...invited me to go fishing with him...after he was done where...he was at. Not that the...books would...record that. I went...we talked...I helped him with the net...and he asked me questions. I answered them. He said he...wanted to give me...a new name. I told him it...wouldn't be a good idea. He repeated himself...and I...relented. He then gave...me...my name. My full name."

"What's your full name, then, Demon!"

"If I haven't told...you now...what makes you think...I would tell you...EVER!?"

"Because, if you don't, we'll go down to Aziraphale's little bookshop, and put him through the same pain you're going through, but tenfold!" Crowley flinched. "Oh, so my reports WERE correct. You're having sex with him, aren't you. Tell me, Demon, for how long has he been your little whore?"

Crowley somehow found the strength to bolt up from his knees, break the binds on his arms, and hold a hand to Gabriel's throat as he stood, straining against his chained wings. Sharp, ugly, and terrifying claws came out of his hand, piercing Gabriel's neck while Crowley used his fingers and palm to choke the Archangel as gold blood started to flow from the Archangel's neck. "Don't you DARE talk about...Aziraphale that way! He's better than...all of you...combined! None of you deserved him! None of you cared...about him! None of you...even bothered to notice...him unless it suited...yourselves or...Heaven. You pay so little...attention to him, you never...even realize that...he's a rank...above...you, you stupid FUCK!"

Gabriel struggled to remove Crowley's hand, but once he did, he bound his arms once again, this time with stronger wards. "A-Aziraphale..." He started as he attempted to heal his wounds while he talked. "...A P-Principality? That's ridiculous! He was just the Guardian of the Gate of Eden. The ANGEL that Guarded the gate of Eden. Just a normal Angel."

"God...would NOT send...a mere...angel...to Guard her most...precious...creation."

"Her most precious creation? What would a demon know?"

"A demon that remembers every day he had before he fell."

"That's impossible!" Gabriel shouted. "God told us that she would wipe all of the memories from the fallen."

"All except...?" Crowley questioned with a knowing look in his eyes that Aziraphale couldn't fathom. Mainly because he had never heard of God saying that she wiped the memories of the demons, or anyone's memory for that matter.

"All except...those who are..." Aziraphale watched as Gabriel staggered back exactly one, small, step, but it was enough to concern everyone in the room except Crowley.

"Those who are, what, Gabriel?"

"...All except those...who are still faithful and loyal to her. Those who still love her, but Demons CAN'T love!"

"I have been...in love with...the same being for...Six thousand...bloody years, and I have...prayed to God...everyday since...my fall. I never...meant to fall. I...was...in one of...the Gardens...and Lucifer...and his...friends...found me. I got...along with Lucifer, but...when he tried...to get me to...join him...I refused him."

"Is that what the long scar on your back is from?" Gabriel asked cautiously, but obviously trying to hold onto some malice.

"Yes. I never...fought in The...First Great War. I was dying. After he dug his...blade...into me...that's when...the fighting...started, because...a Principality saw...what happened...and stood up...to him. THAT Principality, is the...same one...that you have...emotionally, mentally, and physically abused for Six thousand years."

Aziraphale felt his heart pounding, but just like he promised, he wouldn't do anything. However, he couldn't believe what he was hearing regardless. It was true. Aziraphale was sent to keep an eye on Lucifer, and if he harmed just one Angel, then he was to lead an attack. He had started the fight, because he watched Lucifer kill a Seraph. A Seraph who was also an Archangel. Crowley was saying that was him. As he took in what he said, he remembered what the letters were always signed as. They were signed A. R., and if Crowley was telling the truth...that meant it stood for Archangel Raphael.

"Yet you fell anyway, so you must've joined him in your last breath."

"No, I prayed with...my last breath!" Crowley spat.

"What did you pray for?" Gabriel asked as he knelt in front of Crowley, putting away the whip, astonishing everyone, even Crowley. "Demon, what did you pray for?" He asked gently.

"Why do you care? You've been torturing me for hours!" Crowley growled out as he shook his head.

"I care...because you prayed with your last breath. Every angel that fell screamed, cursed, threatened, snarled, growled, and spat profanities with their last breath. It's been recorded. We don't have a record of ANYONE praying the day the fight broke out, but when someone says they have prayed...I can sense the truth or lie in the statement. You told the truth. What did you pray for?"

"Oh! What does it matter what he prayed for!?" Sandalphon snapped as he stepped into the center. "Get back to the torture!"

"YEAH!" All of the angel's cheered.

"He's got a point. With no Armageddon, this is our only form of entertainment at the moment." Michael stepped into the center and shrugged.

"Hush all of you! This IS important." Gabriel snapped back at them. "Now, go back to where you were standing." They all nodded and did as they were told, because even after Apoca-no-thanks, he was still the current highest ranking Archangel. "What did you pray for?" He asked Crowley again in a soft tone.

"To protect and love...the Principality that stood up...to Lucifer. To let him want...for nothing. To keep him from...being wounded in battle. To...keep him...alive. To allow him to...be on Earth...with her humans, so that...he could protect them...with his fierce heart. I prayed that...he be allowed to follow...his own heart like the humans would be allowed to...and I wanted that...because of the strength...and bravery he showed in...standing up to an Archangel who...already had an army...with him. I prayed that...he be rewarded in every...way possible, because where everyone...coward, he said, 'Fight Me'. I admired that, and I wanted the best for him."

"That's...incredible..." Gabriel whispered out in awe. "...may I ask...did we know each other before your fall?"

"We did." Crowley looked up at him, and to everyone's immense bewilderment, Crowley actually smiled at him with a fond expression. "We knew each other very well." He frowned after his words. "You used to be so...good, kind, and full of laughter, but now...now you've changed. It breaks...my heart, but...nothing, not even me...thinking I lost Aziraphale will...compare to the amount of _heartbreak_ and... _guilt_ you will feel if...I tell you my Angelic...name. If I tell you...my old name...everything you've...done to me...for hours...everything you've said to me...will haunt you in your dreams, and I know you...dream. I've seen you on Earth. I've kept demons...away from you. I didn't have to, and lot's of times...I wish I hadn't, but I...did anyway."

"Tell me." Gabriel requested, his voice now barely above a whisper.

"Well, he thinks awfully high of himself." Uriel commented with a snort of laughter.

"Please?"

"PLEASE!?" Everyone except Crowley, Stella, Gabriel, and Aziraphale asked in shock.

"Let me whisper it in your ear." He sighed out, shaking his head.

Gabriel nodded and leaned his ear to where Crowley could whisper it discreetly. When he apparently did, Gabriel instantly had tears rushing down his face as he slowly backed away from him. "N-No...y-you couldn't have been...I...tell me something that only you and I..." He closed his eyes with a small hiccup of a cry, and everyone was silent. "...that HE and I knew that we would've never told another soul."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, because I need you to be lying. This HAS to be a lie, because if it isn't...just please...answer."

"When God was creating the stars, she had told everyone that she was only going to bring one Archangel with her, and that she already chose. She also said that she didn't want anyone else following her. However, you snuck in with her and the Archangel she chose, and you were caught. She smiled at you, and told you to work together with the Archangel and to just...create. No one was supposed to ever know. Well...I guess that ship has sailed."

With loud and heaving sobs, Gabriel released Crowley and completely fell to his knees, bowing the rest of his body towards Crowley as he wrapped his arms around himself. "Gabriel?" Michael asked.

"EVERYONE OUT!" He shrieked with a broken voice.

Everyone obeyed, but then they stopped when they saw Aziraphale and the human. "HA! Look who we found!" Sandalphon cackled. "At least we can take him to the other room, but don't know what to do with the human..."

Gabriel gasped with a look of horror at the same time as Crowley. "NO!" Gabriel shouted. "I'll deal with them! Go! Don't make me bring God into this!"

Without another word, they all left as quickly as they could. Once they were all gone, Gabriel quickly scrambled to try and heal Crowley, but nothing he tried would work. "Gabriel..." Crowley groaned. "...you can't."

"I-I-I have to! I d-did this! I...Oh God...what have I done...no...I...I have to...I have to fix this...I..." He dropped his shaking hands, sobbing so hard his body was shaking.

"You can't heal...me, Gabriel. You used Holy...weapons against me. The only one who can heal me is God."

"Sh-She can!" Gabriel nodded with a mad look of hope on his face.

"She can...but she doesn't...have to." Crowley explained. "She could use my wounds...as a reminder for...you. As a punishment...for you."

 _ **"Indeed I could."**_ Came God's voice from above before a flash of light appeared next to Aziraphale and Stella, revealing a beautiful woman with blonde shoulder length hair, tan skin, fathomless eyes, and a long white dress.

Gabriel looked to her, saw Aziraphale and the human, and then turned his full gaze to her. "G-God! I..."

_**"I know what you've done, Gabriel. I've watched you for Six thousand years. I've watched what you've done to Crowley."** _

"Please! Heal him!" Gabriel begged, his tears splashing and echoing onto the floor with a tap-tap, tap-tap, tap-tap.

_**"Why?"** _

"B-Because..."

 _ **"He's a demon. Why should I heal him?"**_ God calmly asked as she brought her hands in front of her, clasping them in a lady-like manner.

"I-I...Because..." He looked to Aziraphale and shook his head. "I can't say! I have no right to say it! He's m-moved on!"

_**"Say it, Gabriel. Why should I heal him?"** _

"Because I love him!" Gabriel cried out, bowing his head to the floor once more as soon as he heard the human and Aziraphale gasp in shock and confusion.

**_"Why should that matter to me?"_ **

"Because I regret! I regret so much! I would ask for forgiveness, but I don't deserve it! Not for what I've done and said! Please heal him!"

_**"If Crowley forgives you, I will heal him, but it cannot be false forgiveness. He must feel the forgiveness at the bottom of his heart and with every ounce of his grace, no matter how demonic it may or may not be."** _

Gabriel turned to Crowley with desperate eyes. "I...I don't deserve it. I've...I've hurt you...and I've hurt the one you love. I...I've hurt your mate."

"He's not my mate." Crowley stated calmly, unaware of the immediate pain he caused in Aziraphale's heart. "I have never lain with him. I'm as much a virgin as I was when I was created."

"B-But...that...that human...she..."

"If she were ours, she would be a Nephilim of demonic and angelic origin. She is a human I have adopted and raised. She is my daughter, but neither of us gave birth to her."

"Wait...mate?" Stella asked.

"Y-Yes..." Gabriel nodded. "...mates were established in Heaven. They're...They're not like how you might think. Well...it TURNED into what you might think after the third batch of angels, which was one batch before Aziraphale was created so...he might think the same thing you're thinking...but...when mates were established...it was an option. No one HAD to do it. They would pick an angel they felt an intense bond with, and they...would give themselves to that angel. Losing their virginity. God came up with it, but like many things, it never made it to the books. I...I loved Crowley very much before he fell, but we were never mates. NOW, though...Mates is used to say that two beings are in love with each other and that they are together."

"That's right, and Aziraphale doesn't love me, and we haven't slept together, so we're not mates in any sense of the word."

"You've no idea how wrong you are, Crowley." Aziraphale stated with a shuddering breath, earning a wide-eyed look from Crowley.

"You two can talk about that later." Stella stated in an exasperated manner. "Gabriel...weren't you about to ask for forgiveness?"

Gabriel nodded his head frantically before turning to face Crowley. "I...I don't deserve it, but please...forgive me for everything I've done that you consider wrong, offensive, and hurtful."

Crowley smiled up at him and nodded his head. "I forgive you, Gabriel, but I do have a request."

"A-Anything!" He gasped.

"You ask for forgiveness from Aziraphale and you do EVERYTHING you can to make it up to the both of us."

"O-Of course!" He laughed out happily. "Y-You really forgive me?"

 _ **"I DID say he wouldn't be able to give false forgiveness."**_ God waved her hand and all of Crowley's wounds were gone, but then he started glowing. **_"You may want to step back, Gabriel."_** She grinned with a smile.

He did as she said, standing behind Stella, but then noticed she, too, was glowing. "Um...Lord?" Gabriel asked.

_**"Yes?"** _

"Why is Stella glowing?"

_**"You'll find out in a moment."** _

Gabriel and Aziraphale both took a few steps back, and soon, both Crowley and Stella exploded with light and color. Once the light and color faded from them, there were noticeable changes. Crowley was now clothed for one, but instead of his usual black attire, he was wearing an emerald green T-shirt, dark forest green jeans, and black sneakers. He still had black wings, but this time he had three sets rather than just one. His hair was smooth, straight, but also wavy, and it held the same color, but now it stopped just at his shoulders. His eyes were no longer serpentine, but an almost liquid gold with a circular black pupil, and finally, on his arms, there were long golden snake tattoos, seemingly going from his shoulders, all the way to his hands, where the head of each snake rested on the back of his hands. "Hmm..." Crowley grinned before holding his hands out in front of him. At first, Aziraphale was confused, but then he gasped in awe as the snakes slithered off of his arm, twirled around, and made a solid staff with the twin snakes twining around it. "...That's MUCH better." He grinned before summoning the staff back onto his body in the form of the golden tattoos from before. Crowley then looked up at Stella and his jaw dropped. "Stella?"

Stella looked at herself in awe. She was wearing a beautiful turquoise dress with short sleeves, and it left plenty of room for moving and fighting. She then looked at her own arms and saw that on one arm, she had the same snake her father had, but on her other forearm, there was a flaming sword. She then felt something heavy on her back, so she turned out, and her breath hitched at what she found. On her back were two sets of wings. One white and one black, and though she couldn't see it just yet, she was physically brought back to the age of twenty. "Wh-What!?" She stuttered.

_**"Gabriel, reach out and sense her grace."** _

Gabriel did as she asked and his eyes widened at what he found. "It's...She's..."

"God, what did you turn my daughter into?"

"She's..." Gabriel started with widened eyes. "...an answered prayer. The living embodiment of an answered prayer, and her grace...it's...it's split in two, yet entirely whole. It's...as if you and Aziraphale mated and made her. She's...biologically the both of yours now."

Stella's eyes widened along with Aziraphale's. "What?" Aziraphale whispered out.

"She's your daughter." Gabriel stated plainly. "Biologically, she's your daughter, Aziraphale, AND she's also Crowley's daughter."

"Yes, this is true." God confirmed. "Now, with that...Gabriel, you and I need to have a chat on what I expect you to do for Aziraphale and Crowley for repentance."

"Y-Yes, Lord." Gabriel nodded. After that, there was a flash of light and Crowley, Aziraphale, and Stella found themselves in Crowley's flat.


	3. Chapter 3

"I think the two of you have some things to talk about, so I'll be in my room as I try to come to terms with being an angel...or a Nephilim...still unclear about that. Bye." Stella calmly said before practically rushing out of the living room.

"I do think she's rather right." Aziraphale whispered out. "Crowley...I...I was there for quite a bit of your...punishment."

Crowley physically shrank inside himself before deciding to sit on the comfortable couch that Aziraphale had insisted on him getting, because honest, he couldn't just NOT have a couch with how much he sleeps on Aziraphale's. "What do you wanna know?"

"Well, I thought that YOU might want to know that. I mean...well...I suppose you wouldn't know, but Stella DID burn your letters..." At the mere word, Crowley looked up and his eyes were already filled with tears that threatened to spill over. "...but somehow...they ended up in my shop, and I read them. All of them."

"A-Angel, I...Th-The l-letters..."

"Yes? What about them?" Aziraphale asked as he sat down next to Crowley. "Apparently I'm your 'Dear Heart', and you write quite beautifully. All cursive, and the most beautiful cursive I had ever seen."

"I...In the letters, I...I said things...about you...to you...but...I was never going to..."

"Yes, I'm eager to hear why you never told me." Aziraphale sighed.

"I've said it in a letter or two. I just...couldn't. There was no way for you to love me. As you've said so often through the years...You're an Angel and I'm a Demon, well...WAS a demon." He scoffed out a laugh as he lifted his arms to show his new markings. "Back to being a Seraph."

"Yes...AND an Archangel." Aziraphale smiled, but then he realized something. "Were...Were YOU the Archangel that was asked to build the universe with God?"

Crowley gave a small smile before standing in the middle of his living room, and to Aziraphale's surprise, he summoned the tattoos to turn into a staff, and he hit the bottom of it just once on the floor, instantly transforming the entire room. Suddenly, it wasn't just a room, no, the walls had fallen away and they were surrounded by color, light, dark matter, and stars. "This is the Orion Nebula. One of my favorites. I added the reds and yellows while God put in the blues, purples, and oranges. We had fun with it." With a wave of his staff, they were suddenly moving without even using their wings, which was a bit disorienting for Aziraphale.

Once they stopped, Aziraphale recognized where they were at, he just had no idea HOW. "Crowley...this is..."

"My proudest part of helping her create." Crowley smiled, and as he did, Aziraphale immediately noticed both of their outfits and appearances had changed. "She said she wanted a place for her humans. She asked for my opinion. I said that since she intended for them to have free will, that they should, indeed, have a place of their own, but they must be observed as well. Hence, the wall. She asked what I would want in it, and I told her I knew what was in my head, but there weren't names for it. She asked me if I wanted to help her build what she called Eden, and I said I would be honored, so I created it. It's how I knew my way around. However, she added the apple tree AFTER I was finished with my part. Still don't understand that bit."

"H-How are we here?"

"Hmm?" Crowley asked as he turned to face Aziraphale on the very wall they once stood on.

_'Well that went down like a Lead Balloon.'_

_'I'm sorry, what?'_

At that, Aziraphale couldn't turn around fast enough before turning to face him and Crowley, but... "Crowley! Where are we!?"

"When, Angel. It's called time travel. You don't think I could've stopped time to the degree that I did with Satan on his way if I didn't have an incredible control of it, did you? Yeah, sure, angels and demons can stop time momentarily, stop it in a person, a moment, whether, elements, but I can stop it on a much larger level. My control on time was split in half when I fell. So, I wasn't able to do this AS MUCH as I would've liked, but I like to go back every now and then."

_'I said that went down like a lead balloon.'_

"Y-Y-You...You go back?"

_'Yes, Yes! It did, rather.'_

"Uh-huh. I was the highest Seraph, and I was given control of time. Had to of. Time has a morning and a night, Darkness and light, rest and being awake...there needed to be another to keep balance with time. I was the other." Another hit of his staff, and they were back at the flat. "Yes, Aziraphale. I helped build the universe. Now...about the letters, I'm sorry..."

"No, don't...just...you can go back, yeah? In time? And we'll be unnoticed?"

"Yes?" Crowley replied with a tilt of his head.

"Could you...I want to show you something."

"Sure, I'll need it to be pretty detailed though."

"Right...um...The day you bombed the church for me, my flat in my bookshop, at eleven forty-five at night. I hope...what you see will be able to answer and resolve your worries about your letters." Crowley nodded and instantly took them there. Once they arrived, they both saw Aziraphale sitting on his bed, the bag of miraculously saved books far in front of him at the foot of the bed, but he was staring at it with tears in his eyes.

"Angel?" Crowley asked carefully.

"Just...wait a moment." Aziraphale answered.

"Okay..."

Soon, the past Aziraphale was covering his face as he let out heavy sobs. _'God! It's not fair!'_ He cried out before looking up to the ceiling with a completely tear-stained face. _'Why must you be so cruel!?'_

"A-Angel!?" Crowley stuttered with worry, but the current Aziraphale didn't answer.

 _'H-He...He didn't have to. He was so selfless. He was so brave, and even after...after our fight so many years ago, and after I had accused him for employing the Nazis...he still saved me. Again. It's...It's not FAIR! How could you do this to me!' He shouted as he got up from his bed, shouting at the ceiling, tears still spilling from his eyes. 'I-I've been GOOD! I've been FAITHFUL! I've been LOYAL! Despite what that Bastard Gabriel might say, but...I've...I've been a good Angel! Now, I know I've...given into temptation more than any angel should, and definitely more than any human should, but...I've still been good! Why present this to me now!? What am I supposed to do with this information! Am I on Earth to suffer for something I've done wrong!? I remember the war! I did what you asked! I started the fight once he hurt another Angel! I didn't see who exactly it was, but I heard and saw the pain! I started the fight, but...is it possible you're punishing me for it!? I'm so confused, Lord! I've always believed you to be a bit fairer to your faithful and loyal angels. So WHY!? Why did I...Oh, God...'_ He whimpered before flopping back onto his bed with his face in his hands. _'...I'm in love with Crowley!'_

"A-Aziraphale?" Came Crowley's voice, even though it was just barely audible.

 _'Not only that, but it's more than just falling in love with him for my books, and you FUCKING know it DON'T YOU!?'_ Aziraphale cursed, which caused Crowley to gasp in shock. _'I've...how could I have not noticed it after all of these years!? I've loved him since Eden! Since I saw his eyes! Those gorgeous serpentine eyes that reflect the sun, or the perfect sunset in just the right light...I...I've loved him for so long, and I'm just now realizing it, but it doesn't stop there! No! You had to go and be so bloody unfair and cruel! He's a DEMON! I'm an ANGEL! He...Even if demons WERE capable of Love, which they're not, everyone in Heaven says so...but even if he was the ONE demon capable...why would HE want ME after everything I've said to him and how I've treated him!? He couldn't possibly...'_ Aziraphale calmed down to simply sob a bit more. _'...I'm sorry, Lord...for cursing and shouting, but...It feels as if I was given everything I didn't know I wanted...only for you to rip it away. I think...just this once...I'll rest.'_

"We can go back now." Current Aziraphale told Crowley quietly, and that's what Crowley did.

As soon as they made it back, he brought his staff and the snakes back to his body, and practically collapsed onto the couch. "Aziraphale...you..."

"Yes." He answered as he sat next to Crowley.

"Still?" Crowley asked without looking at him.

To answer his question, Aziraphale brought a gentle hand up the Crowley's cheek, turning his head so that he could see Crowley's eyes, and once he could, he quickly, but carefully brought his lips to Crowley's, reveling in the 'completeness' he felt in doing so. However, as much as he wished to continue, he found himself quickly stopping as soon as he tasted saltwater in between their kiss that was most definitely not coming from his eyes. "Cr-Crowley? I'm so sorry, I should've asked." He quickly tried to fix it by brushing the tears away.

"You...You love me?"

"Yes. Very much. I'm sorry for the kiss...if you didn't like it, I'm-"

"-No, I...I'm happy. So happy. Ineffably happy. Kiss me again?" He pleaded as the tears continued down his face, and that's what Aziraphale did, quickly earning a soft joyous whimper while Crowley wrapped his arms around him. When the kiss ended again, it as Crowley who did it this time. "Be my mate?"

"I-In your sense of the word, o-or the one that I know?" He asked with a shaking voice and a stuttering heart.

"In EVERY sense of the word. If you want, since we've...since we've been on Earth for so long...maybe...the human way...so...Will you marry me, Aziraphale? I...You're everything to me, and a life without you...it has no meaning. I want to hold you, protect you, love you, and be by your side however you'll have me, but...I'm selfish, and I want more. So, will you be my mate? Will you marry me?"

"YES!" Aziraphale cried out, lunging forward to kiss Crowley more passionately than even he thought he could muster. He vowed to tell Crowley everyday from then on how Crowley was HIS Dear Heart, and he hoped that their daughter wouldn't mind helping with wedding plans. He also made sure to send a silent thank you to God, because now that he's thinking about it, he couldn't have figured anyone else who would know what was in BOTH of their hearts.


End file.
